Why would someone resist gratitude? Because as long as I could blame other “stuff” for not being able to get out of the hole I was in, I didn’t have to lift a finger. I was comfortable in that hole because I knew every single micro inch of it.
When the time comes you find every excuse under the sun why you can’t do that video, publish that blog or write that post. The cleaning the toilet is more attractive than communicating with the people who are supposed to book your services, time to get real about visibility issues. Not having freak out about being seen and heard is not about learning how to be more visible. It’s about learning to deal with the emotions when you want to be everything and anything but seen and heard.
Sandbox or broom closet? Whether it’s one or the other, you are depriving yourself of unfolding you and owning your power if you are staying in the space too small for you. When the container is too small, the solution is not to loose some of your mass. It’s to get a new, bigger container. Or go BIG and have not container at all. You can kid yourself into accepting the tiny space you’re occupying physically and spiritually, by re-shuffling your life. Or by convincing yourself that you don’t need a bigger space. Or worse, convincing yourself that you don’t deserve a bigger space.
Not everyone will be into the whole, let’s do spells and chanting and burn stuff and stir the cauldron. That doesn’t mean however that they shouldn’t be learning about it or make the most of the wisdom that’s out there. As much as the Craft is considered sacred knowledge that is earned by the hard core witches, the undeniable fact is that the stuff is “out there” already. Online, in books, in workshops, in circles. Purists will tell you that you need to be initiated into a coven or a tradition or whatever.
This could be any woman’s visibility story. It’s not about courage. It’s about the overwhelming and driving desire to transform lives in her unique way, with her unique set of skill, wisdom and experience.
We all have something we are brilliant at. However when we are being told this story that we need to hold it in, we learn that it’s bad, something to be ashamed of and it’s boastful behaviour to let it shine and eclipes others’. So we never learn how to appreciate those gifts and talents in ourselves. What sadder even is that we learn to judge others who are in those very same shoes.
For women, in particular, this is an especially potent invisibility story to explore. We are given messages from the very beginnings of our lives, that we need to take up as little space as possible, be as quiet as possible, be accommodating as possible. Because when we don’t do those things, we are a burden. So we start applying that to our life pretty early on.
If you’re doing better than others around you, you might feel like you’re being disloyal to them. That your success in whatever it is you’re doing is an act of betrayal towards the people who aren’t doing as well as you. This puts a huge stopping block in front of you. You don’t want to betray the people you love, you don’t want to make them feel like you’re not in their sandbox anymore.
This was my story for a long time. Like 4 decades. I grew up with parents who had a poverty mindset. It’s not that they haven’t tried to create abundance. It’s just that while they worked themselves stupid trying to create abundance for themselves and their two children, they never believed they deserved it.