For a long time, I believed that it was because that’s all I was good for. I was the holder of things that were close to death or dead indeed. It took me till a ripe old age of 45 to understand that things don’t come to me to die.
When you have a circle of women who have your back, you feel powerful. You feel heard and you feel seen. It took me years to find these women and we have had our fare share of impostors who wanted a piece of what we had as a circle. At the end of the day, what remained are the ones who, to the untrained eye are regular people, but to me, are incredible and powerful women.
Why would someone resist gratitude? Because as long as I could blame other “stuff” for not being able to get out of the hole I was in, I didn’t have to lift a finger. I was comfortable in that hole because I knew every single micro inch of it.
When the time comes you find every excuse under the sun why you can’t do that video, publish that blog or write that post. The cleaning the toilet is more attractive than communicating with the people who are supposed to book your services, time to get real about visibility issues. Not having freak out about being seen and heard is not about learning how to be more visible. It’s about learning to deal with the emotions when you want to be everything and anything but seen and heard.
Being called a Woman of Power used to create all sorts of feelings in me. I’d push it back with indignation, thinking that I had to be humble as a woman and not bragging. That was the old me.
Not everyone will be into the whole, let’s do spells and chanting and burn stuff and stir the cauldron. That doesn’t mean however that they shouldn’t be learning about it or make the most of the wisdom that’s out there. As much as the Craft is considered sacred knowledge that is earned by the hard core witches, the undeniable fact is that the stuff is “out there” already. Online, in books, in workshops, in circles. Purists will tell you that you need to be initiated into a coven or a tradition or whatever.