We all have something we are brilliant at. However when we are being told this story that we need to hold it in, we learn that it’s bad, something to be ashamed of and it’s boastful behaviour to let it shine and eclipes others’. So we never learn how to appreciate those gifts and talents in ourselves. What sadder even is that we learn to judge others who are in those very same shoes.
For women, in particular, this is an especially potent invisibility story to explore. We are given messages from the very beginnings of our lives, that we need to take up as little space as possible, be as quiet as possible, be accommodating as possible. Because when we don’t do those things, we are a burden. So we start applying that to our life pretty early on.
If you’re doing better than others around you, you might feel like you’re being disloyal to them. That your success in whatever it is you’re doing is an act of betrayal towards the people who aren’t doing as well as you. This puts a huge stopping block in front of you. You don’t want to betray the people you love, you don’t want to make them feel like you’re not in their sandbox anymore.
This was my story for a long time. Like 4 decades. I grew up with parents who had a poverty mindset. It’s not that they haven’t tried to create abundance. It’s just that while they worked themselves stupid trying to create abundance for themselves and their two children, they never believed they deserved it.