For a long time, I believed that it was because that’s all I was good for. I was the holder of things that were close to death or dead indeed. It took me till a ripe old age of 45 to understand that things don’t come to me to die.
I grew up with the notion that when a person of authority told you to do something, you did it, you didn’t question it. Not because you were a mindless sheep but because questioning the “authority” wasn’t safe. Hungary was a communist country during most of my time there. And you didn’t rise against the “authority” if you knew what was good for you.
When you have a circle of women who have your back, you feel powerful. You feel heard and you feel seen. It took me years to find these women and we have had our fare share of impostors who wanted a piece of what we had as a circle. At the end of the day, what remained are the ones who, to the untrained eye are regular people, but to me, are incredible and powerful women.
When the time comes you find every excuse under the sun why you can’t do that video, publish that blog or write that post. The cleaning the toilet is more attractive than communicating with the people who are supposed to book your services, time to get real about visibility issues. Not having freak out about being seen and heard is not about learning how to be more visible. It’s about learning to deal with the emotions when you want to be everything and anything but seen and heard.
Being called a Woman of Power used to create all sorts of feelings in me. I’d push it back with indignation, thinking that I had to be humble as a woman and not bragging. That was the old me.
There is no road sign that will show you that you have finally arrived to a point where you deserve to be seen and heard. Don’t hold your breath for some great epiphany either. If you’ve been trying to decide whether or not you’re experienced enough, thin enough, articulate enough, educated enough, or just enough in general to grab some visibility space for yourself in the big bad online world, you’ve been asking the wrong questions.
Sandbox or broom closet? Whether it’s one or the other, you are depriving yourself of unfolding you and owning your power if you are staying in the space too small for you. When the container is too small, the solution is not to loose some of your mass. It’s to get a new, bigger container. Or go BIG and have not container at all. You can kid yourself into accepting the tiny space you’re occupying physically and spiritually, by re-shuffling your life. Or by convincing yourself that you don’t need a bigger space. Or worse, convincing yourself that you don’t deserve a bigger space.
Not everyone will be into the whole, let’s do spells and chanting and burn stuff and stir the cauldron. That doesn’t mean however that they shouldn’t be learning about it or make the most of the wisdom that’s out there. As much as the Craft is considered sacred knowledge that is earned by the hard core witches, the undeniable fact is that the stuff is “out there” already. Online, in books, in workshops, in circles. Purists will tell you that you need to be initiated into a coven or a tradition or whatever.
Knowing what makes me tick and what turns me on about my business was one of the best things to discover. Because you’re not in love with your biz 24/7. I get that. There are parts of it that aren’t all that sexy and alluring. And sometimes those things can overwhelm all that makes you feel warm and fuzzy about it. The last thing you want to do is show up and be visible.
This could be any woman’s visibility story. It’s not about courage. It’s about the overwhelming and driving desire to transform lives in her unique way, with her unique set of skill, wisdom and experience.